I said that as much to persuade myself as much as I said it to convince you. Actually, I didn’t say it to convince you at all. I’m pretty sure I said it entirely for my own affirmation. This blog is, indeed, still a thing. Even though my other blog has really become my blog, I suppose this one’s a little different. I can say things on this one that I can’t say on the other one. On the other one, I have to be orderly. There has to be an agenda, and it has to be confined to one topic, and it has to be at least somewhat easy to read. There has to be a progression. And the topics never extend beyond a very innocent, easily definable border. So, with that in mind, let’s say everything I want to say that doesn’t involve what I’m confined to on my other blog:
1) I quit my band. They’re constantly posting Youtube clips, songs, photos, statuses and other things for their well-oiled social media machine (nothing wrong with any of that), so I’m constantly reminded of the decision I made. Sometimes I’ll listen to a clip of “Elmer and the Man that Feeds Him” and think “Wow. That’s as proud as I’ve been of anything I’ve ever played guitar on. It sounds incredible. I really do miss playing this song.” Then, five minutes later, I’ll open my wallet, see that there’s money in it and think “Nah, dude, you made the right decision.” Not that money matters that much. I’ll take my artistic principles (whatever they are) over money on most days; particularly ones where I’m not that hungry. But I need to know I’m getting something out of my musical investments. Something I can look to and say “I did this and I’m proud of it.” That just wasn’t happening enough. That’s no one’s fault, though. They’re magnificent people. I hope they inhale the Break Contest, mash it with their jaws and spit it right back out.
2) The result of my exit is “Gala Apple,” something I’ve wanted to do for quite a while. It’s a five-song “EP” that I recorded with the help of Mr. Keenan Awesome. I’ve always wanted to do something instrumental, or record something that I can point to and say “I wrote all of this.” I’ve got Mack Flinn (which has music in the works as well), and that’s always been more than enough to scratch my musical itches. It still is. But in light of quitting Bad Case, my shoulders were starting to get tense again. I knew I had to exhaust some creativity immediately. I had to stay sharp, I had to get something out. And so I did. My shoulders aren’t so tense now. The thing is, I need to be constantly documenting my life with music. Constantly. It’s more of a diary to me than this Tumblr could ever be. Scotches and I have done a good job at that, but our schedules can be conflicting sometimes. So during those idle times, I still have to keep the wheel turning. I want to record as much music as I can, and now I have the confidence that I can write/record things entirely from my own mind. Maybe we’ll see “Braeburn Apple” or “Fuji Apple” in the future. After recording it, I feel very comfortable with music, and now hopefully Scotches and I can start playing the kinds of gigs they pay you to play. Also, thank you Elisa. I got the idea for recording “Gala Apple” while listening to Gipsy Kings on your bedroom floor. It all hit me right there: There’s a reason everything I write sounds so damn Latin.
3) I like being employed, I don’t care how insane my hours are. I’ve started to work around it. In the beginning, it was tough to manage. I had to find ways to continue doing things that make me feel like myself (music, beer writing/reading, etc.) and I think I’ve started to figure that out. I even see friends a little more now. Thank God for that.
4) My girlfriend is some kind of glorious angel, some beautiful creature that you see in the weirdest dreams. The clouds move aside for her or something, and she swoops down whenever I’m really bummed and she goes “Just put your hand on my tummy and shut up.” And then I’m good. It’s like I’m dating a celebrity. Like, we’ll makeout or something and then I’ll go look in the mirror and say to myself “CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED!?”
And a few thoughts for my records:
1) If you’ve never thought about killing yourself, I don’t think we can be friends. Yeah, read that again and then think about it critically.
2) Speaking of critical thinking, I’ve started to realize how important that is. Especially in the age of the internet. Critically think about everything, because it’s very easy to be swayed by groupthink now.
3) On the docket: San Francisco, Vermont, Colorado, and a lot of breweries.
